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| so i'm pretty sure i'm not even sure how to use this thing anymore. last time i wrote was over a year ago. since then..well a lot has happened. And i definately take back most of the things i said (or thought) about a certain person. who's name begins with an L. and ends in UKE. Sorry. but he just turned into Clint. and for those of you who know clint. know this is not a very good thing. who wants to even try to be friends with someone who yells at you when you didn't even do anything wrong AND doesn't own up to it when you call them out on it..and have evidence. just sayin. why should i do nice stuff for him ?
other than that life's boring. Tonight (other than a brief 10 minutes) was the best night i've had in a while. I dont even know if the people i was with wanted me there..but i tagged along. and had fun. Laughed TONS. so you know. if they didnt like me being there. they'll live. cuz i needed that. it was good. really good. tomorrow. hopefully will be good too. depends on if all goes well. guess we'll see. boring life. what can i say? a lot and not much happen in a year. funny how that works!
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| oh man. last night was awesome. No i didn't go out and do anything cuz i'm grounded. But there's something about talking to someone for like 3hours online then 5 hours on the phone. like constantly, no long boring pauses, that just feels nice. Yeah i talked on the phone from 11:30ish till 5:15 in the AM. Dang that's a record for me i know it is. *sigh* i'm not too tired either which is nice. And i just feel better about stuff..not that i've come to a final decision yet. but i feel better in general. Thanks luke. i appreciate it buddy!  | | |
| all i want is to feel loved. That's it. Honestly is that too much to ask for? Sure i have family, and that's all fine and dandy...but they have to love you right? Even if they don't like you. I thought i had it. for a while there. I dunno something just clicked the other day. When i was watching TV. or a movie or something and saw two people in love and said "man i want that" then i realized deep down i don't have that. I mean i dont expect to have that yet...i'm just 17. but i dunno. i just feel lonley again. And i shouldn't. I doubt myself too much. I always think everyone else likes someone prettier, smarter, funnier, you know...I know i'm a teenager and everyone has self doubts. but i just feel...Yucky sometimes. You know? Like extra yucky. There's always gonna be someone, prettier, smarter, better than you. Its how the world works. But i just always feel like certain people have these other girls and are't telling me about it. Ahh dumb me...why am i ranting like this...again. If somethings wrong i should fix it. If i'm having doubts about things end them. Right? well we'll see soon enough. You know damn whatever/whoever triggered all my doubts about myself. and everything like that....just saying. | | |
| guess i should update...eh...well i don't really feel like it right now. I'll do it later... | | |
| i hate being in a bad mood. I don't even know why i'm in a bad mood...i just am. No..i know why. But there's nothing i can do about it if people don't want to talk to me about it. I just feel uhh..unwanted. whatev. Schools almost out i should be happy. Just one more day. But for some reason..it doesn't feel that way. I just..uhh..don't feel like anything. i just feel bad. and confused. This shouldn't be like this...i shouldn't be second guessing certain things every other week. But i am...maybe that's a sign. I dunno. I love when i'm happy with everything. But when i'm not...when i'm a bit upset or something...i hate it,. and a lot of the time i am upset or whatever...heh...i dunno. We'll see...everything will happen how it's supposed to i guess... | | |
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